Vocational Shame: When You Haven't Been What You Wanted to be When You Grew Up

A few years ago, Rev. Rick Warren wrote a book called, The Purpose Driven Life. When it was first introduced in 2002, News Corps publishers expected the book to sell around 250,000 copies. However, it became an absolute best seller and sold nearly 5 million copies in 2006 alone. This book has done so well because it taps into something that people are longing to find. That is, people want to know why they are here and they want to know what they are supposed to be doing with their lives.

Knowing and fulfilling one’s life purpose is about vocation. Vocation is not necessarily akin to one’s job. In fact, many have jobs so that they can pursue their true vocation. When one’s vocation is discovered, it is very easy to be passionate and enthusiastic about life. When someone senses that he knows what he is supposed to be doing, life takes on renewed meaning.

However, when someone is shamed about their vocation, this can create problems. How many children have set out in one direction only to have their passions short-circuited by disapproving parents or other primary caregivers? How many flute players were forced to play football instead? How many artists were told that they would never amount to anything if they pursued this vocation? How many lawyers were supposed to be landscapers? We could go on.

The point is that toxic shame can disturb one’s vocational ambitions. When children are told that they cannot pursue their passions, there will be a tendency to rebel by dropping out or performing poorly. Or, the child will go into hiding and cultivate what some experts call a false self. The false self maintains the façade of conforming. The true self will get lost and only attempt to reappear when it seems safe enough to do so. For many that doesn’t happen until adulthood.

Vocational shame is an incubator for resentments that might last into adulthood. It can also be a contributor to restlessness and frequent job changes. It can also be what dispirits a child, who as an adult might become faithless and godless. Without faith, the adult child will be shaken by disruptions to the routines s/he has created to give him a false sense of security. Without a Higher Power, there is less of a chance for the adult child to relate to things which are bigger than him/her. The vocationally shamed adult child will also be deprived of creativity. S/he will not be familiar with inspiration or freedom to simply be and become.

The Bridge to Recovery is a great place to rethink one’s vocational identity. As we uncover the shame that binds, many of our clients get a new set of wings to boldly go and do what they always wanted to do in the first place. For more information, please give us a call at 877-866-8661 or visit us online at www.thebridgetorecovery.com.