Toxic Shame and the Intellectual Self

Toxic shame has a way of wrapping itself around any number of our attempts at discovering and being who we are. Our sense of uniqueness gets blindsided by shaming messages that assault the soul. These messages come to us both directly and indirectly. However they get in, they get embedded deep within. Thus, our attempts at cultivating and becoming all that our Creator intended gets slowed down. It is only when we do the work of self examination and self differentiation that we can part ways with the shame that holds us hostage.

The six different areas of self are the: 1.) Intellectual self 2.) Emotional self 3.) Physical self 4.) Relational self 5.) Vocational self and 6.) Spiritual self. If toxic shame gets attached to any or all of these areas, then false, negative and self-loathing beliefs will begin forming. In this blog entry we will examine what shame attached to the Intellectual self looks like.

“You are such an idiot!”
“How could you be so stupid!”
“Talking to you is like talking to the sidewalk!”
“Stop talking. That’s all you do.”
“You don’t know how to listen do you?”

Such careless phrases uttered by parents, grandparents, older siblings and authority figures in the wider world of a child can shape the child’s opinion of his intellectual self. Now, if someone says this to the child just once or twice, the devastating effects will not be so evident.

However, if the child receives a steady flow of these types of shaming messages without any type of intervention, then there will be noticeable consequences in adult life. There are no exact predictors of what the consequences might be. Generally speaking, the adult child will gravitate toward trying to prove to the ones who shamed him that he really is smart. Thus, he might have collected quite a few academic awards. He might have graduated in the top percentage of his class. He might have spent inordinate amounts of time working on his grades in an attempt to prove he is smart. There will not be a love for learning or for the educational process. Instead, the one with a shamed intellect will be compelled to perform and will go to any lengths in order to earn approval in this area.

Conversely, the one with a shamed intellect might just as easily believe that he is intellectually deficient. When that is the case, he will act the part or lack the confidence to assert and / or express his own thoughts. He may also believe he is not able to handle some of life’s tasks and thus his finances might suffer or his ability to organize and get things accomplished might be lacking.

A bruised intellect can heal rather quickly. A shamed intellect needs a more intentional strategy for recovery. The Bridge to Recovery can help people who are tired of trying to prove they are bright. The Bridge to Recovery can also help people who don’t realize how bright they really are. For more information, give us a call at 877-866-8661 or visit us on the web at www.thebridgetorecovery.com.