Part 5: You Might Be a Codependent IF...

We have been exploring five contributing factors to codependence. You might be a codependent if you grew up in a family system where there was an untreated addict or codependent. Additionally, you might be a codependent if you grew up in a family where there was abuse of any kind. You might also be a codependent if you grew up in a family system where your primary caregivers abandoned you. Now we will explore the fifth contributing factor.

5.) You might be a codependent if you grew up in an enmeshed family system.

In relationship to human behavior, enmeshment is a way of relating where there is a lack of personal boundary space. This lack of personal space is not only physical. It is also mental and emotional space.

Enmeshed people lack a sense of personal identity. Typically, they have difficulty recognizing where one person begins and another ends. They suffer from a condition that some experts refer to as an undifferentiated ego mass. That is, they are unable to think or act independently. They are so linked together that when Person A in the relationship does something embarrassing, Person B is the one who feels embarrassed.

It may also mean that there is little to no room for any sort of disagreement. Thus, each person says “yes” in the relationship all the time. When this happens, more and more “self” is given up for the sake of the enmeshed relationship. Enmeshed people may be locked together and be completely miserable. When that is the case, the relationship is intense and can be both verbally and physically abusive.

Enmeshment is one way of reacting to abandonment. Thus, the compulsion to enmesh is typically fueled by intense fear and anxiety about losing someone. Primary caregivers who enmesh with their children may have been abandoned when they were children or may have been currently abandoned by their significant other. Whatever the variables may be, the tendency toward enmeshment is always enacted upon out of fear.

People who were raised in family systems where there has been enmeshment may lean toward codependence because they have not been given the space needed to mature and to cultivate personal identity. Thus, they remain dependent on the ones with whom they are enmeshed. The Bridge to Recovery can assist people from enmeshed family systems. One major aspect of our work is guiding people toward finding their unique identities apart from others and to recapture the internal experience of treasuring one’s own preciousness.

The Bridge to Recovery helps people break free from the pain in adulthood caused by unresolved issues, wounds and trauma in childhood. To learn more, give us a call at 877-866-8661 or visit us online at www.thebridgetorecovery.com.