Part 1: You Might be a Codependent IF...

If you came through The Bridge, then chances are you were awakened to the reality that codependence is the experience of being an immature child trapped in an adult body. This makes plenty of sense because when our growth in childhood is stunted by any number and combination of phenomena, our attempts to go on to maturity will be frustrated.

They will remain frustrated until we consciously begin the process of growing up. This blog entry is a simple reminder of some of the common experiences that can make people vulnerable to codependence and lead them straight toward the experience of being that immature child trapped in an adult body. Over the next couple of weeks, I will expand on these. For now, I will simply list them all and then write in more detail about the first.

Here are some of the prevailing experiences that if left unexplored, they can lead toward a lifetime of codependence:
1. Growing up in a family system that was / is governed by an addict.
2. Growing up in a family system that was / is governed by an untreated codependent.
3. Growing up in a family system where there is / has been abuse in any or all of its different forms.
4. Growing up in a family system where there is / has been some form of emotional or physical abandonment.
5. Growing up in a family system that was / is enmeshed.

These are all key ingredients that can contribute to a person's codependence. Now, let's spend a little more time taking an indepth look at #1.

1.) If you grew up in a family system that resembled a dictatorship run by its sickest member, then you may be a prime candidate for codependence. Growing up with an addict of any kind is stressful and it leads one to believe he / she is not worthy of time, love and attention. When the addict in a family system is the overbearing focus, it can be an emotionally crippling experience for other family members in that system.

Growing up in the home of an addict can lead you toward the experience of being an immature child in an adult body because your value as a person is brought into question on a consistent basis. When that is the case, you are forced to grow up too soon in order to get your needs met. It is important to remember that this phenomenon is not just reserved for people growing up in homes where the addict is addicted to ingested substances (i.e. -- drugs and alcohol). The addiction could be to any person, place, process or thing that happens to require inordinate amounts of attention and preoccupation on the part of the one who is using it.

If the addiction prevents the addict from engaging in intimate and nurturing relationships and fulfilling his / her routine responsibilities, then this can pose a unique set of problems for the rest of the addict's family members. These problems will ultimately manifest in a predictable form that many experts call codependence.

If you suspect that you grew up in a family of origin where an addict was "running the show", there is a good chance that you are encountering life situations that you find overwhelming, highly stressful and quite unmanageable. This is due to the fact that you were forced to grow up too soon. Thus, you are having the experience of being an immature child trapped in an adult body. The Bridge to Recovery can help. For more information about our program, please visit us at http://www.thebridgetorecovery.com/.

Watch for our next blog entry as we discuss how growing up in a home with an untreated codependent can actually perpetuate your own codependence even after you have left your childhood family system behind.