Toxic Shame Cover Ups, Part 6

We have been taking a look at some of the common cover ups for toxic shame. When someone is shame bound, there is a tendency to do certain things in order to cover over the pain that shame produces. Sometimes the cover ups make little sense to outsiders. However, for the person experiencing the pain, any relief seeking behavior will suffice. That is true even when an outsider would think that the behavior would be even more pain producing. Throughout the past five entries, we have examined several common cover-ups for toxic shame. In our last entry, we talked about addiction or addictive behaviors. In our final entry on this subject, we will take a look at a phenomenon known as reenactment or repetition compulsion.

When a person has been interpersonally shamed as a child in a particular way, there may be a tendency for the shame bound person to gravitate toward the same type of behaviors in their adult lives. For example, if the person were shamed through extreme forms of verbal abuse as a child, there may be a compulsion for the adult to seek out the same type of people in which to be in relationships. It was Sigmund Freud who first observed this sort of behavior. He noticed that there is often a tendency to reenact social situations in an attempt to “master” certain experiences. Thus, when there has been no resolution for a particular shaming pattern, the shame bound person will look for that same behavior in others.

However, there is also an adverse reaction to the interpersonal shaming episodes from childhood. The child who was abused may develop the same type of behaviors in adulthood and act out the same type of behaviors that were acted out on them. Again, without resolution, the shame dictates the behaviors a child will carry into adulthood.

Without any resolution to the shame, the child grows into an adult carrier of the shame and will deal with it in ways that at times seem absurd or confusing to outsiders. The Bridge to Recovery helps people who compulsively act out the very behaviors that were acted out on them. There is hope and shame bound people can find relief from the repetition compulsion that cycles them in and out of counterproductive interpersonal relationships. For more information about The Bridge to Recovery, visit our website at www.thebridgetorecovery.com or give us a call at 877-866-8661.