Perfectionism is one learned response to living in a shaming environment. Shame based families demand perfection and family members are only valued for what they do rather than for being who they are. Precise production is what perfectionists strive for, but the environment is one in which you never really know how much is good enough. Therefore, in the absence of that knowledge, people never know when to stop producing.
Because there is ignorance regarding how much is enough, there is a tendency for the perfectionist to either over or under function. Overfunctioning behaviors push the perfectionist toward achieving the unobtainable. Overfunctioning is something that feels good for a season but then can lead to burnout and severe bouts with disappointment and depression. Underfunctioning behaviors are the result of being frustrated in one’s attempts to be perfect. Typically, underfunctioning is the equal and opposite reaction to overfunctioning. It’s the swinging of the pendulum from one extreme to the other. That is, after the overfunctioning behaviors no longer produce the desired results, it will lead toward underfunctioning behaviors.
Some experts tell us that compulsive perfectionistic behaviors in a person’s life are a predictable sign that s/he was severely hurt on some level while growing up. Perfectionism may be an attempt to repair one’s damaged integrity or to portray to the world that one has it “all together”. However perfectionism manifests, it can make life complicated. The Bridge to Recovery is a residential treatment program that helps people find relief from the tyranny of perfection. For more information about our program, give us a call at 877-866-8661 or visit us online at www.thebridgetorecovery.com.
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I went to the Bridge to show everyone how perfect things were in my life and how out-of-control my husbands life had become. Hello! I could fit in every catagory. I was a major control freak....every way! I stayed at the Bridge for 80 days and have saved 10 days for a recap or touchup later. I had no idea how much it helped my life. I am just awake for the first time to the reality of this world I lived in and am capable of choices to change that which hurts me. What a concept? Truth = Freedom to choose! Brigid
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